There came a time when words failed me, and the world looked a little darker than I had once remembered. At twelve years old, horizon lines were painted navy laced with grey, rather than plum purples and deep peaches that one becomes accustom too. I woke up miserable every morning, and most nights I felt like a feather tossed into the eye of a hurricane.
I shed my own blood on a weekly basis. Once a week reached
every day, and soon enough I was cutting myself up to four or five times each day until I was a sophomore in high school. Without fail, the moment I drew a blade across my skin, tension would ease, and my body relax despite the searing, aching pain. Yet, the emptiness I felt inside remained; nothing and no one could fill the void that I so desperately wished I could simply toss into the wind. I thought, maybe, if I filled it up with blood, it would drown the trauma, and set me straight.
*
I somehow managed to get a hold of a camera my eighth grade year. After school, while my mother was at work, my father was asleep, and my younger brothers were off somewhere with my grandfather, I would take pictures. The viewfinder found and captured anything and everything in my path.
When I discovered MySpace, I got the courage one afternoon to take a picture of myself and post it up on the page. A simple shot, straight on, and that was all it took. Soon enough, I began playing with camera angles. I learned that my "good side" was to the left, my face looked thinner at an elevated angle, and my forehead was entirely too big to be shot head on.
After a few weeks, I tinkered with some computer programs and eventually found photo editing software loaded onto the system. Crop, re-size, color saturation, hue, brightness, and contrast were the only options available, but boy, did I make them work. Before I knew it, I was editing dozens of pictures on a daily basis, hundreds monthly.
At fifteen, I started researching free photo editing programs on the Internet that could help me expand my editing capabilities. I found one that worked wonders: Picasa. Although not as in depth as Photoshop, it got the job done and I still use it today.
I lost nearly all of my earliest photographs due to a memory malfunction in an old camera, and I haven't had much time to take photos recently. I plan to pick up photography upon settling myself in Indiana. Taking and editing pictures was one of the most relaxing hobbies I have ever attempted, and I cannot wait to start up again. It gave me an outlet of emotion, creativity, and ultimately a voice at a time in which I felt I had little to live for. I hope to save up for a more professional camera some day in the future, take a few photography classes, and make this a lifelong hobby. Maybe I will even attempt some senior pictures, and a wedding or two. :)
Here is a sample of a few pictures I have taken over the years.
Taken and edited at 14 |
Taken and edited at 14 years old |
Taken and edited at 15
Two different takes on a single picture taken of my eye last year
Taken in Clifty Falls Park last summer |
Taken in Clifty Falls Park last summer |
Taken in front of Knox Learning Center last year |
Taken and edited a month ago |
Taken and edited today |